AN UPDATE

You probably thought I died or went into labour, if you haven’t been following me on instagram. Haha. Nah, but to be honest, I have been pretty busy the past couple of days getting the last things done for the apartment and seeing a bunch of friends. It’s perfect, as I am just hanging around trying to make time pass, I might as well see all my friends, as I probably won’t have that much time with them in the upcoming weeks after Maddox’s arrival. So to be honest, my pregnant brain as just been consumed with that and waiting. pretty much. But here is a little recap

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Say hello to my new little friend. The LV Bumbag. I have had a belt bag from Chanel now for little over a year and it was starting to look pretty worn out. Luckily LV designed this beauty!!!! and as soon as I saw it, I knew I wanted it. I don’t necessary share what I buy, because I sometimes feel awkward about it, like I'‘m bragging or it will look like I spend far too much money on things, far too often. Which I really don’t. I do probably spend more than the average person, but I do save up for things. and my new life hack- I’ve started selling things!!! Which is such a hack… I’m probably 100 years to late to this. But Blocket (online marketplace here in Sweden) is my new best friend. I’ve sold half of what I own there the past month!!! BUT any how! I wanted to show you this one. As I thought it was fairly a good price and it’s the perfect size. And I absolutely love belt bags, you can wear them in so many different ways. And even though this one is black, it has these colorful details to them which makes it a bit more “summery”. So a tip if you are searching for a belt bag that you can wear multiple of ways!

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On Friday evening Oscar and I, at 10 pm, decided that we want the bathroom to be black instead. Since we had the bathroom paint at home, we thought- WHAT THE HELL. Hahaha it’s starting to become the activity we always do when we have time “off”. By that I mean, no kids in the house. haha. Well anyways- IT LOOKS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD. 100 times better! We feel like we want to be done with everything before Maddox arrives, as much as possible. And unfortunately we can’t get any workers to help out enough for it all to be done. Now we get them for like a day each week, which isn’t really enough for everything we want to do. BUT oh well, we aren’t complaining and we are actually starting to become pretty good at it. And it’s kind of fun doing it together, listening to a good podcast and discussing it.

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One thing that is fully done, is our bedroom. And I figured I’d show you how it’s turned out. It’s my lite haven. Of course, I have some minor details that I’ll be adding, interior wise. But other than that the room is fully done. I love it! It’s always so clean and soothing and this mat has been everything. I don’t understand why not everyone has this?! It’s sooooo comfy and I just love sitting on it and writting. Like I’m doing now! It’s so good.

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I have been looking for a mat for a really long time now. Since I need a pretty big one for the living room, as it’s 8 meters wide!!! 8!!!! I have been looking for solid printed ones. Which just a nice finish and touch. But then I found this from Layered. Which I now have decided to order and it will be arriving this week. WHAT DO YOU THINK?! I reallly hope it will be nice. I just love that it has a pattern to it and all the colors I have in my living room. Right now, everything I own is either HAY or Flos. It’s all black and gold. And the pink walls. So I think it will spice things up a bit.

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Then I found this photo from my friend Charlie’s apartment. LOOK AT THAT FLOOR! Since we have the same floor in our whole apartment, just lighter. It makes me want to sand the floors into this darker color to make it even more edgy and mustier. The mat picture above even has the darker colored floors to them. And with that mat. YUM!

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When I saw this photo, it made me want a podium really bad. and these glass balls. So i’m getting the balls, now I just want the podium! If you know where I can find it- holla at me!

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Then I just wanted to share this. A painting I just bought this weekend. Or photography, I guess you’d call it. He is one of the most resilient men whose ever lived and alot of my inspiration comes from him. No, not because I love Chanel stuff. But because his way of living and never ever excusing himself for anyone. His way of always staying simple and never explaining himself to ANYONE is so inspiring. At least once a week, I’ll have a karl hour, where I just google around on interviews, podcasts, youtube videos of interviews or scenes of him working or just spending his days. I adore this man. And I absolutely fell in love with this photo. So, soon, this massive painting will be hanging somewhere in my home. Stay tuned!

PRE CONTRACTIONS, pampering and make over

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For lunch I met with my favourite girl Emma, my friend that I visited in Amsterdam. I could hardly sleep last night because I woke up and got “early contractions”, oh boy was that something new. It was like the worst period cramp I’ve ever felt. And it lasted ALL DAY. So I was just waiting for it to escalate into actual contractions. Supposedly these can happen over a week before I actually go in to labour. But since they lasted for like 24 hours and we’re getting a bit more intense towards the evening, and moving further down, the doctor thought it probably wasn’t a week away. OMMMMMMGGGG. But I’m not throwing my hands up just yet. So instead of thinking about it. I decided to have a day of pampering for myself. I went out to KICKS new store in Gallerian, because when I pamper myself I try on all the new make up that has arrived. I got my nails done, because it was way overdue and I figured I probably won’t have time for it when Maddox arrives. Since I only wear black nail polish, I let them do whatever they wanted. Hahaha, so I ended up getting an M for Maddox on one nail and something that looks like an umbilical cord on the remaining 4. Hahaha but it’s fresh and summery.

Then I raided the entire Make Up section and got them to make me look like a freakin’ movie star. And I bought everything. Because if you get a treatment done in their store, you get 20% off the whole store. So, hehe

Then I headed to BabyShop to pick up everything left for Maddox. Now are all set. Bed, car seat , baby nest, YOU NAME IT. It feels good to be this prepared!

After that Oscar and I headed to Café Facile, our new favourite place in our area. It was good to spend some time with him after this weekend. It felt like we hadn’t spoken in days, due to our beautiful little singing bird Marley. So a date night was needed!

Now we are just waiting to see if these contractions take off!!!! Ooooommmgggg

WEEKEND

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I never posted my weekend. The weather was sickkkkk in Stockholm, which you probably haven’t missed if you’re following pretty much any swede on Instagram. Haha. Nothing major happened this weekend.

I thought it was a rather challenging weekend, because both Oscar and I got very little sleep due to Marley’s teething. And as much as I adore the kid, after 72 hour of screaming, my body was so numb I couldn’t hardly speak. My body had gone in survival mode. Hahaha! It’s True! I don’t think 38 weeks pregnant helps. But I managed. And I mean this in the best way- it felt like a relieve when we sent them off to school on Monday morning. Because the only thing I will be doing for the next two days until they’re back. Is SLEEP. REST. hahaha

But I did have micro breaks where I got to see friends. On Saturday for e.g. I met my two best friends for breakfast. Before 1 pm, I had managed to walk 20 000 steps!!!! In like 30 degrees. I was incredibly proud of myself. And by the end of the day I ended with 26 000. I felt like such a super woman!

"That's my Kajsa"

Today I saw you through a glass, across two streetlights, about 100 meters away. My whole body felt it. Because it made me turn 180 degrees. The second I turned my sight was set on you. A girl, a very beautiful girl crossing a streetlight. I got goosebumps, so I looked even closer and as you were approaching the second streetlight, I saw you that it was you. My little sister. However, not so little any longer. You looked so grown up. So so beautiful. Skinnier, taller, and you were smiling. I can’t even remember the last time I saw you smile. I can’t even remember the last time I saw you to be honest. But you were approaching me. Quickly. And my entire body just wanted to race towards you. It was such a strong chemical reaction. My heart wasn’t even racing. It was completely struck. I looked at Oscar and said “That’s my sister. That’s my Kajsa.” He replied “Stay”. But you got closer. And even though I just wanted to run up and show you Maddox. Show you my big bump. Throw my hands around you and tell you all about the past 3 years. Oh god. 3 years. 3 years since we last saw each other. But many more years since we last spoke and actually enjoyed each other’s company and told each other about ourselves. But I couldn’t. I didn’t even know what to say, where to being. What hit me was that you felt like the most foreign thing. Yet, you are probably the only person I would recognise through a shopping glass, in a crowd of hundreds of people, 100 meters away. I realised I don’t know you any longer. I don’t know what your interests are. I don’t know who your friends are. I don’t know what makes you happy. What makes you cry. Who gets to steal your heart. What makes you tick. What makes you fire away. I don’t know anything. So, as I am writing this with tears drowning my face. I hope you read this, because I hope you are wondering who I am now days.

I have changed. A lot. I know you probably don’t want to believe that. But so much has happened the past 3 years, and like I said above, pretty much the past century since we pretty much last spoke. Like properly at least.
I have done a lot of stupid things that have hurt you. But I have also done everything that I could at the times when you haven’t agreed with me. I have heard that you don’t see eye to eye with a lot of my decisions. But I think if you would have heard me tell my stories, if you would have heard me tell you everything I have been through, things I have taken myself through and from, I think you would be proud.
I have failed and faltered at many things. But I have also won a lot.
I have met the love of my life. A man that is everything I know you would have wanted for me. He is the smartest person I have ever met and he makes all my days better. I have two wonderful boys that I have grown to adore. Because they teach me so much more about myself than anyone ever has. They are kind. Playful. Silly. Warm and I think they adore me just as much back. I have grounded myself a lot. I am no longer easily impressed, which I know you used to roll your eyes at before. Well, not any longer. I still have a big heart and a forgiving one. People take advantage of that. Especially Dad. I never chose his side. I just wanted the the hate to disappear from us. I thought it was the right way to move on at the time. But I have learned for the 200th time, that he is who he is. And that is his weakness.
But we’re not. We’re different. I don’t excuse the sides I have from him, but I sure as hell am doing everything in my power to think more how grandma and mom would. I know you are too. I know we want similar things. Not same. But similar. And I am so sorry for not understanding that the past couple of years.

Today, family means everything. And here I used to think that I never would have a family. Today my family is rapidly growing. In a couple of weeks, two to be exact, my first born son is here. And he is so ready to meet you. I want him to meet you. I want you to teach him to be just as wise and cynical as you can be. In the very best way. I think he will be extremely smart. Just like his dad. So you will probably enjoy teaching him everything you know. Because I’m sure he will soak up everything up like a sponge. I want you to shape him.

You might not read this, but even if there is the slightest chance that you do. I am taking the chance to have had this said. Today, hit me so much harder than I ever thought it would. Not that I ever imagined that we might even meet again. But it made me realise that I hope with all my heart that you felt me too when you passed me. Because seeing you today was one of the strongest feelings I have ever felt. And I wouldn’t have felt that for anyone else, but you. Because you are my sister. My little sister. Even if you don’t like to see it that way. You will always be my little sister. And I know that you know that I will always be there in a heartbeat if you need me. Because I will never stop loving the first person, and so far, the only person, that I am responsible for.

It’s you and Maddox.

I love you.

Love is a noun

 

I loved this. Because this is something I keep whining about every single day to everyone I know. When you love someone, and it doesn’t just have to be a partner. It can be a friend. Or a colleague. or a child. Doesn’t matter. But when you love someone, you show it. Using words to describe a feeling is a powerful powerful tool. I believe everyone can “train” themselves to that. I think that I’m actually really good at it. I think I constantly remind my loved ones of how amazing and valuable they are to me.
But showing it- why is that so much harder? Showing someone you love that you adore and appreciate them, should be the easiest thing in the world. It will mean different things to different people. One way for me to feel loved will be different to Oscar, for an e.g.
I think that’s why it’s hard. That’s why you need to communicate your needs to someone you love. How do you feel loved? What makes you happy and feel adored? I think if you are able to communicate that, I don’t understand how the other person can’t not not do it then. This goes for your friends as well. I do however think that we are better here, and we try harder for some reason. But I constantly sit and listen to couples that will fight about the most ridiculous things. The couple themselves probably don’t even think about it any longer. Because they are so used to it. But why? For what reason is that good. You don’t get happier by fighting about it, and your partner definitely don’t.
For me, I hate when I don’t “deliver” into my relationship with Oscar. I genuinely want to be the best partner he’s ever had or could ever dream of. Because he deserves it. He deserves to feel so loved every single day. Because he adores me and makes my life so smooth with every chance he gets. And when we fail, I get so disappointed. It is human. But it’s definitely not necessary. And I’m not talking about rainbows and roses every single day. But for me, love is about showing how much you appreciate the person, how much you love them with every action you do. If you know he likes his coffee right when he gets out of bed- why wouldn’t you get up 5 minutes before to make him coffee? It can be silly things like that.
But people seem to forget it. And that kills the romance. And I don’t ever want to have a relationship, nor friendship- where romance is not the center of it.

 

TANNED SEXY MAMA

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I couldn’t have chosen a better timing to go on my maternity leave. I spent the days ordering a bunch of stuff for the apartment in the sun on our balcony!!! It felt so good to feel the sun glazing my body again! I’m a sun worshiper, like the rest of Sweden haha. But it was a very soothing day. Had the “construction” workers here, fixing the apartment. I think next week will be the final touches, then we are done. So Maddox you are free to come then! Haha.

in the evening I realised that Maddox hadn’t been moving a lot during the day, actually hardly at all to be honest. So I just thought I would call in. I’m probably the last person to get worried over stuff like that, but my husband is not. And what I have learned, always just give them a call. Whatever it is, you know your body and your baby. If you feel something is up, then something is probably off. So Maddox and I headed to the hospital where it turned out that he was a little bit stuck with his feet, so he actually couldn’t kick and that was probably why I don’t feel him moving around so much. Nothing dangerous. So they sent me home after a couple of hours. They just wanted to monitor his heart rate a bit. But I got home really late and Marley is teething, so it kept me up majority of the night. So today I have cancelled everything. I am going to go to the park and sleep and then Oscar is joining me for a long lunch. We are off tomorrow so we will probably do something g nice tomorrow as the temperature is supposed to be 28 degrees!!!!!

WEEK 38 - weight loss, stress & survival

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WEEK 38!!! Guys, I’m almost there now! This is so crazy!!!!

I have been bad with these pregnancy updates. BUT! Here we go, I am going to try and sum up the past couple of weeks.

The last 3 weeks, I have been incredibly stressed. Which has made Maddox very stressed. Unfortunately. I have had high blood pressure and high pulse, which has landed me in the hospital because they thought he was on his way. Luckily it was false alarm. But doing renovation for 12 hours a day when you 36-37 weeks pregnant and weigh 8 kg more than usual and managing 2 kids at the same time and a huge work delivery, well let’s just say, I wouldn’t recommend my worst enemy it.
There has been alot of tears, like 10 times a day. Luckily I have the best support system around me with supporting co-workers, friends and my mom, who unfortunately happened to be on the other side of the planet. Well, I managed. So that’s why my maternity leave came at the perfect timing. I would like to add- that in all of these things a lot of extremely sad private things happened at the same time. I won’t go into detail about it now, but I will write a long post about it in the upcoming days. Because like I said before, I want to use this space for myself to show you everything I am. Life isn’t perfect, nor do I want it to be. So, I definitely wouldn’t want to portray it to be either.

But anyways- back to pregnancy!

I survived. Unfortunately I haven’t had 1 minute over one single day, like literally. I forgot to eat most days, which is so bad. It lead to me loosing 1,5 kg in one week, when I should have gained 350 grams, because I was so stressed and running around so much every single day. So I went from +10 kg, down to 8-8,5 kg. In one week.

Weight: I am now back to 9+ kg from the start of my pregnancy.

Body: I am starting to feel a bit bloated. Even though everyone says I’m not. My fingers, arms and legs are swelling. I can tell and definitely feel it.
My back is killing me. But only when I’m sitting or laying down, so I stand up 99% of the day. If it weren’t for the back, I could easily go for another month or two. Cause I really feel I could use the downtime before he arrives.

I also had a lot and alot of contractions, like all day, 24/7. When I ended up in the hospital they were supposedly so strong, that they should have felt like a real contraction. But I couldn’t even feel them… And not because I’m so “hard core” but because I had gotten so used them! How crazy is that?!

Other than that, things are now feeling much better and I’m just going to enjoy this amazing last few weeks with myself.

REAL HOUSEWIFE OF STOCKHOLM

First day of maternity leave. Of course, I do what I love them most - breakfast in bed!!! and a show. Today it happened to be David Letterman’s show. Again, I can’t recommend it more!

Believe it or not, but my day was fully packed with stuff to do. haha- I would be such a good housewife!

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I of course took the oppotunity to join in on my favorite class at Be Core with Sara. Guys I can’t praise her and that studio enough. I absolutely love love love it. Its so hard. And now at almost week 38, it’s actually quite intense. BUT your girl managed to not only power through the whole class, I did the heavy weights as well. Even though it was pushing my limits a liiiiiittle bit.
But you know what I’ve decided, I’m going to do a class ever second day until Maddox arrives. Not just because I LOVE Sara. I absolutely love the energy I get from the classes. I feel so f**king powerful. And that is the best gift I can give myself to prep for delivery - POWER! So if you are pregnant, I can’t praise it more. Move move move! I know it can be heavy to walk, but for some reason it’s easier to train. Do it for you and your baby! As soon as he arrives, you can’t train for 6-8 weeks. and maybe even longer if you are unlucky. So go for as long as you can! Do it for your energy at least!

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Then I headed out to buy the last things for my delivery bag - grandma underwear! Big and comfortable as they get. Dooooone! Met up with my best friend Emelie for some good H&M shopping. Then I did some quick shopping for my “post Maddox” phase. hahah like thats the priority right now. Hahaha. Ah well! it felt inspiring at the time. Then I got such a cute blanket for Maddox. OMG you’re gonna die!!!

After that I met with Ebba, my new wonderful wonderful friend but she’s also my birth photographer and her daughter Ingrid for a coffee.

After the the most miraculous thing happened! WE BOUGHT THE HAY MAGS COUCH!!!!!!!!! I’m soooooo happy. The couch I recommended in my previous post! You guys have no ideah ow much I wanted it. So, right now, I need to sell our MeliMeli one, because I have two couches in the livingroom. So again- if you’re interested in this couch, holla at me! Good price!!

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Here are some crappy photos from our old apartment in two lights. Day & night.

PINKED OUT! Mama’s out!

This weekend kicked off with my last day of work for a while. Oscar met up for a date night around 5 pm, hade dinner at Nombre, one of our favorite restaurants near where we live. Before I left the office I had to take a picture of this, because in this outfit, you can hardly tell that I am 37 weeks pregnant facing forward. and then I go to the side- and there he pops out!

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Hello there Maddox! GUYS - I’M IN WEEK 37!!!! HOW CRAZY IS THAT?

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We woke up on Saturday morning and got an instinct that we needed to paint pink the entire way, not just the walls. So the frames first, which I did. Then as we were done with those we thought- we don’t do anything else half way. So we made the ceiling as well! Ohhh yesss

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Luckily Oscar is a little bit stronger than I am right now, so he managed to do the entire room himself. CRAZY!!!

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This weekend was spent cuddling in the rain, watching the whole season of What If, or at least finishing watching it. Eating breakfasts, take away, shopping this for the apartment and like I mentioned above- painting the walls. It was perfect. Everything a weekend needs to be now towards the end. As this could be our last one, just the two of us. Next weekend we have Loui and Marley and after that it is only days away from due date. So crazy. But it was exactly what the doctor ordered. I am obsesssed with this man and everything he does for me. and us. My wish is his command. And I couldn’t feel more grateful this Sunday evening when I fell sleep in his arms. Eiiiih Maddox, you’re so lucky.

CELEBRATE YOUR VICTORIES

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Today I stepped into my final “real” work day. We are off on Thursday and on Friday, I won’t have much work left to do. More to gather my things and have a lunch with my bosses. Then, my maternity officially starts. It feel so weird. Since I won’t be off completely from work, I will still need to do a few meetings every week, I still won’t have a place to go to everyday. Even though I probably will be hanging in the office at least once a week with Maddox. hehe. They just don’t know it yet.
Well we handed in a huge delivery for a project I am extremely excited and proud of. If it ends of happening its going to be insaaaaaaane. But just getting to do what we have done so far, is beyond what I could have imagined us doing. I am extremely proud of Nordic Tech House for getting this far. And it’s been such an honour being apart of this project. A project I have always dreamed of doing. Literally. At least the past 8 years, I think I have been on their website at least once a day. So this is huge.

So to celebrate this, I decided to give myself something. I am 100% a bikini girl but this summer, since I am giving birth in the end of June. I know I probably won’t have my body back for a month or two and especially having a funny looking belly for a couple of weeks. I decided I wanted a swimsuit. But since it’s quite hard to just find a swimsuit, I decided to pull my safecard. So, this beauty, with a nice beach sjal and together with matching Chanel jewllery, I think I’m ready for beach 2019. Or what do you think?

I think it’s so important to celebrate your victories. Today, we are off and I am seeing my best friend, Christoffer. I am so excited to see him, as I haven’t seen him in a really long time. Too long!!!