last night Maddox put of nowhere was no longer responding. Didn’t matter if we picked him up, shocked him, pinched his little feet, we got no reaction. So of course, the worst anxiety I’ve ever felt took over mine and Oscars body. But in just 2 minutes the ambulance arrived and we headed straight to the hospital. They don’t know why it happened, but he is 100% fine. Everything looked good and all his test results were perfection. We had to stay the night for observation, but after that we got to head back home again.
Yes, the experience itself was of course awful. But it was also extremely powerful to feel so much responsibility for someone. I don’t even feel that for myself. These mother instincts that people always talk about, kicked in as the strongest force I’ve ever felt. It made me realise how fast these things go. That’s why the next time someone tells me that they aren’t ready for kids, i’ll tell them this:
Of course you aren’t! You possibly can’t be. Even I who thought I was ready, as I already had Marley and Loui as “bonuskids”, had no idea these feelings even existed. I couldn’t ever imagine how strong these feelings could be and how they literally come from one day to another. I really wish I could describe them to you, but I can’t. And I’m not even going to try. I’m going to let you experience them for yourself. Because they are life changing. But if it’s one thing I can say- don’t wait for the sake of waiting. If I knew what I know today, I would have done this a long time ago. It really is the best feeling I’ve ever felt.